Disagree with tact February 8, 2008Posted by rickbron in Disagree, Management Principle, Uncategorized.
Wasting time arguing? Are you spending too much time talking and not enough time doing? The Big Dogz know how to avoid that trap. They use a proven technique to disagree with tact and gain agreement. I call it:
The “I see it differently” principle.
The first element of the principle is to actively listen. Most people when faced with a disagreement only listen passively. They are configuring their response or rebuttal while the other person is talking. It goes something like this: I understand what you are saying, but…
What a condescending thing to say to someone! They have just spent 2-3 minutes explaining their complex solution and you say “I understand….” And, that infamous “but..” negates everything they have said. The result is misunderstanding and confusion. This approach is a recipe for wasting time. Here is what the Big Dogz do.
They first listen for points of agreement. You would be surprised about how much agreement there is in a disagreement. Then they listen attentively for those areas that they disagree about. Now, the say the magic words!
“Let me see if I understand you. Here are the points on which we agree – now articulate the points clearly. On these points, now articulate your opposing view clearly, I see it differently.” Now be quiet and wait. What do you think they will say?
“Oh wow, how do you see it?” is the most common response. It is amazing. Within minutes, you are on your way to a successful resolution. Less time arguing, more time doing. T
he Big Dogz know it will work; I suggest you try it a few times over the next 30 days. See how it works for you.
By the way, I believe in giving credit to those people who have helped me be more effective over the years. This tip on resolving conflict came from my associate Tom Clarke. So, when this works for you, please say a thank you to Tom!